A Public Service Announcement from DicKnows: Spot the Red Flags Early

Listen up, fellas. DicKnows now knows "crazy," and I am here to advise men everywhere to be extremely careful when selecting a partner. Protect your peace, because this is what I just dealt with.

My girlfriend — let me correct that, my ex-girlfriend — is kicking me out before August 19. Why? Because she is still deeply in love with her deceased "ex-fiance." Except, he never actually proposed to her; she just found a ring hidden in his drawer after he passed away.

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She is currently inviting all of her friends over to 'celebrate his life' on the anniversary of his death — friends who showed up completely in the dark about his killer past.

If you think that is a mess, it gets significantly worse. Before he died, her "ex-fiance" explicitly confessed to her that he was a cold-blooded murderer who loved watching the lights leave his victims' eyes. She is currently inviting all of her friends over to "celebrate his life" on the anniversary of his death. Her friends willingly agreed to show up because she kept them completely in the dark about his killer past.

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Her psychologist recommended she say his name every single day to heal — a recommendation given only because she hid the fact that he was a confessed killer from her therapist.

She frequently calls me by her dead ex's name. Why? Because her psychologist recommended she say his name every single day to heal — a recommendation given only because she hid the fact that he was a confessed killer from her therapist.

This all came to a head at 6:35 a.m., when she woke me up crying. Her exact words: "This isn't working anymore. I think that you should call up Shawn." For context, Shawn is the friend I have to call every single time she asks me to move out.

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DicKnows best, and I approve this message.

So, I am packing my bags. Take it from me: pay attention to who you are dating. DicKnows best, and I approve this message.